


Koi no Yokan | 恋の予感

by BetterthanGandalf



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blackmail, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Shy Lee Taeyong, Slow Burn, Soft Nakamoto Yuta, Songwriting, Stalking, actor!yuta, kind of, model!johnny, rapper!Taeyong
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2020-06-29 05:57:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19823953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BetterthanGandalf/pseuds/BetterthanGandalf
Summary: Yuta and Taeyong meet at an award show; Yuta doesn't pay much attention to Taeyong, but Taeyong feels an immediate attraction, even though he has a girlfriend. A year later they meet under different circumstances: Taeyong has split from his girlfriend, who doesn't take the break up very well, and they are to write a song together for a series Yuta has the main role in. What will happen?





	1. Prologue

I was on the set of my new movie, when I received the invitation to an award show in Korea. The year before I had had the main role in a Korean movie and I had been nominated for the award best main character. To be honest, I didn't know whether I would be able to make it because of my current movie project. I told my concern to my manager. “Don't worry, Yuta. I already talked to the director. He said, they could let you go for two days and film the parts you're not in,” my manager told me. “Just see this as a chance to relax for two days. Recently you haven't been able to do that a lot.” I smiled and nodded. He was right. Maybe I could just relax for a bit.

“Is it already known who the other nominees are?” I asked.

“If so, then they haven't told me. But I think they'll upload the guest list in the next few days.”

For the rest of the day I hadn't had much time to think about the award show, I had to concentrate on my acting, but when I got home in the evening (actually it was late at night), I checked the event's website for the guest list. Most of the actors I knew or at least heard of, but there were also some musicians and idols who were coming, that I knew nothing about. Some were there as guests, some as nominees, like Kim Jungwoo, a newcomer actor, who was originally an idol singer. I had watched the drama he had been in and I must say I was impressed by his acting. Apparently his group was coming with him, as well as a rapper called Taeyong.

“Okay then,” I said. “What am I going to wear?”

* * *

I was sitting in my studio working on a new song, when Jungwoo came bursting in followed by my girlfriend Thea.

“Hyung, I need you to do me a favor,” he said.

“What favor?” I asked with a confused frown on my face. I looked at my girlfriend, who just smiled at me, saying nothing.

“I want you to come to the award show with me,” he answered my question. “I need moral support by someone who doesn't make fun of me.” By now I was really confused. I knew Jungwoo was nominated for the Rookie Award, but I really didn't get what this talk about moral support and making fun of him was about.

“Who's making fun of you?” I asked, my “mom-mode”, as my friends liked to call it, was activated.

“Lucas, Mark and Xiao Jun.” Now I was really confused.

“Why are they making fun of you?” I asked.

“Because Yuta will be there...” Now I got it. Jungwoo was a really big fan of Yuta, he was his role model, and in my opinion (and in Lucas', Mark's and Xiao Jun's as well) he had a bit of a crush on him. But I guess the difference between me and his group members was, that I didn't make fun of him for it.

“But why me? You have plenty of other friends that don't make fun of you.” To be honest I didn't want to go. Not that I wouldn't do Jungwoo a favor like that under normal circumstances, but I had an album to finish and I was already behind. And events like those weren't exactly my thing. I only ever went when I absolutely had to. That was, where my girlfriend stepped in.

“It will do you good to leave the studio for once. I get that you have to finish your album, but how can you get inspiration, when all you do is sit and do nothing but writing? Just do Jungwoo this favor and leave your album for one night,” she said and looked at me with those eyes that stated, “no” wasn't accepted as an answer.

I sighed in defeat. “Alright. I'll go.”

Thea and I met at a photo shooting. She was a model and I did a collaboration with her. She was truly amazing. Not only was she beautiful, she was also kind and warmhearted, so it didn't surprise me, that she wanted me to help Jungwoo. She was a person like that. She always wanted to help others.

* * *

A week later I flew to Seoul at noon on the day of the award show. I greeted my fans at both air ports and left for my hotel, where I relaxed for about an hour, before I left to go to the city. I hadn't been in Seoul for quite some time and I wanted to see, how the city had changed. Together with my manager and my bodyguard I walked along the streets of Seoul and took some photos, until we finally sat down in a café.

“Are you excited about tonight?” my manager asked me .

“I wouldn't say excited, no. But I'm definitely looking forward to it. There are a few people I haven't met yet that I would love to talk to, and of course there are also some friends I haven't seen in a while.” I showed him my signature grin. “And of course it would be awesome, if I won, but for me that is just an extra.”

In the evening, about two hours before the show, I started to get ready. I was wearing a black suit and a black dress shirt. Underneath a black choker and a thin silver necklace decorated my neck. In addition I wore dark eye make up — eye-catching but not too excessive.

On the red carpet, I stood next to Jungwoo, the newcomer actor, and his group and I was determined to talk to him. I wanted to congratulate him on the success of his drama and I wanted him to know, that I liked his acting. From experience I knew it was important to be supported by seniors in the same field, because it helped one keep going, when there is a hard time. I also had people like that, besides my family, and had it not been for them, I probably would have given up on acting a long time ago.

When we moved on and entered the event hall, I followed the direction Jungwoo was heading to. When I arrived at his side, there was already someone else, I suppose the rapper I had seen on the guest list the other day. He was strikingly beautiful, I had to give him that.

“Hello,” I said, interrupting the little talk the group had. “I'm sorry to interrupt, my name is Nakamoto Yuta. I wanted to congratulate you for the success of your drama.”

“U-Um, thank you. I am a big fan of yours,” Jungwoo said. “My name is Kim Jungwoo, and these are my members Lucas, Mark and Xiao Jun and my friend Taeyong.” Jungwoos voice was trembling a bit, I could hear how nervous he was.

I smiled at him and said “I wish you good luck. Don't be nervous, it's not so bad, you'll see. See you around.” I waved at him and left for my place.

My co-stars and I were sharing a table and I was happy to see them again.

“How have you been,” I asked.

* * *

On the day of the award show Jungwoo visited me at my studio again. He said he wanted to make sure that I'll really come.

“Relax,” I told him. “My outfit is ready. It's laying on the couch over there.” The outfit I would be wearing was a suit, black except for the jacket, which was made out of red velvet. But I wouldn't be wearing much make up, my hair was eye-catching enough as it was. Not many people had bright pink hair like I did.

I arrived at the show about 20 minutes before Jungwoo did, which as why I was waiting for him and the others inside of the event hall. When Jungwoo arrived, I had no idea that Yuta, Jungwoo's idol, would show up behind him, not a minute after we started talking. To be honest, I wasn't a fan of Yuta's. I had watched some of his movies and he was a great actor, but I wasn't a fan like Jungwoo was. But when I saw him in person, I realized what all the hype was about. He was really beautiful. When he turned away from Jungwoo to greet me I could feel my heart skipping a beat and then continuing at a faster pace for a second, before I got a hold of myself. _You have a girlfriend, dammit! This is not the time to go around thirsting after other boys!_ I told myself.

One could say I was relieved when Yuta left, not because I didn't like him, more because that moment shortly before caused an unsettling feeling in my gut, one that told me everything was going to change.

For the rest of the evening, I didn't waste another thought on Yuta, at least not until Yuta was called to the stage to receive his award. I watched him go up the stairs, his movements were graceful and beautiful and this time I couldn't stop my heart from beating faster.


	2. Chapter 1

**1 year later**

“Nakamoto-san, do you have a moment?” I looked up from my script. I was revising my text for the next scene to film and was interrupted by my director and the head of the production team. “Of course,” I said.

“We were thinking, do you have some contacts in the music industry?” The head of the production team, Yamanaka-san, asked me.

“I do, why are you asking?”

“We wanted you to maybe make use of those contacts and find us someone to do the OST for the series. Of course only if that isn't too much with filming going on and such. We just wanted to take a new approach to choosing the singers for the OST by asking the the actual actors, who are closer to the story, than we could ever be.” Yamanaka-san finished her talk. She got really excited around the end, as if she was a child that finally got her new toy to play with. It was kind of cute, really.

“I'll think of someone to ask, but I guarantee nothing,” I said. After they were gone I focused back on my script. “Are you sure you can handle it?” my manager asked me and I only nodded, already focused on my text. Then I was called and we started filming.

About a week after being asked, I finally had an idea. Jungwoo. After meeting at the award show, we had started texting and we talked now and then, whenever our schedules allowed it. He was asking me a lot of tips regarding his acting and I kept myself informed about his career. Immediately after I had the thought, I called my manager. Looking back now, it was pretty late at night and I actually feel sorry for having him to have to put up with me and my craziness.

“What is it?” he asked me. I swear, it was the most sleepy voice I ever heard from him and that meant a lot. My manager was one of those people who are constantly sleepy.

“I think I have someone. Jungwoo. Can you check in with his manager about his schedule?” I asked. I heard my manager sigh and yawn at the same time, if that is even possible (it was a really weird sound) and say “of course”, before he hung up.

The next day I looked at my manager in expectation, when he picked me up to bring me to the set.

“Don't look at me like that. I haven't called yet, not everybody is such a vampire like you.” Vampire was his nickname for me, as I always stayed up late and kept my curtains shut all day long, whenever I had a day off. He then proceeded to tell me my schedule for the day. “You will be filming from 9 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. Then I will bring you to an interview about your latest movie. Remember, don't speak about the series. The interview will last for about an hour. Afterwards I'm binging you back to set, where you will film for another two hours. Lastly I will bring you to a tv station to film a variety show. Filming will last for about 2 to 3 hours. Any questions?”

“Do I get a break?” My manager rolled his eyes at my sarcastic tone, he was used to it, so he didn't get offended.

During the short lunch break we had, my manager called Jungwoo's. He looked a bit gloomy when he talked on the phone, so I guessed it didn't look good. _That's a pity, I was looking forward to it._

“Jungwoo can't come, nor any of his members. But he _did_ recommend someone we could ask, someone with a lot of free time on his hands right now. He's from Jungwoo's company,” my manager said to me, when we were on the way to the interview.

“Who?” I asked.

“Do you remember Taeyong, that rapper you met at the award show who was with Jungwoo?”

“Barely.”

“Anyway, that's who Jungwoo recommended. According to his manager he just finished his world tour and doesn't have too much to do right now. If we move fast and reserve some of his time, before his schedule gets packed again, we might have a chance. You want me to try?” I thought about it for a moment.

“Do you have some of his songs. I want to listen to some of his music before deciding,” I said.

“Sure.” My manager passed me his phone. For the rest of the drive I listened to his songs, there were good ones and some that I absolutely _loved._ That boy sure had some talent. But there were also a few songs I didn't like, though those were few in number.

“What do you think?” my manager asked, when I took out my ear phones.

“He's good, I like him.”

When I finally got home that evening, it was already around 11 at night, I decided that before I go to sleep, I should watch some of Taeyong's music videos, maybe I would finally remember him, from when we met at the award show. And really when I watched, I saw an image of him before me, a young man in a black and red suit with a stunning face and a body posture that would make most people drool.

He was far more interesting than back then, now that I knew of his music and talent. _I really should have checked out his music earlier._

Sometime during the next day my manager talked to the director and the head of the production team, as well as Taeyong's manager who accepted the offer rather quickly.

In the next meeting we had, Yamanaka-san said “We have, or rather Nakamoto-san has, found someone to do the OST. The Korean rapper Lee Taeyong” Everybody at the meeting sighed relieved and clapped. “But we are facing another problem,” Yamanaka-san continued, after the clapping had died down. “The production team has decided, a rap song is unfitting of the atmosphere of the series and that we need a singer to accompany the rapper.” There were a few dirty glances cast her way, when she announced this problem, most of us couldn't understand why there was a need to get a singer too, but really, Yamanaka-san had no fault in this (or so I assumed), after all, all decisions were made democratically, so I felt sorry for her.

* * *

It was relaxing to be able to sleep long once in a while. Normally I was someone who got up really early, but after all the stress that came with a world tour, even a Lee Taeyong slept in. The tour hadn't been the only stressing thing, there was also my now past relationship with Thea that had been slowly crumbling and finally led to a break up, after more than a year of dating. It had been painful, but what made it even more painful, was the fact that Thea just couldn't accept it. It made me feel guilty, which was probably her goal. And I hated myself for thinking about her in this cruel way.

There it was again, the constant buzzing of my phone and the number on the display that I recognized so easily as Thea's. After breaking up, I had deleted her contact, but she didn't delete mine. And I didn't have the heart to block her, even when she called me constantly, almost without letting me have a break. I just couldn't do it. I got so used to the constant buzzing of my phone, it didn't even bother me anymore.

I was walking around in my kitchen, making myself something to eat, while the tv played in the background. There was a Japanese channel on at the moment. I was studying Japanese at the moment and it helped both pronunciation and vocabulary to listen to or watch tv in Japanese. Though I really appreciated being able to slack off like this once in a while, I hoped there would be some kind of schedule soon, because I was someone who got bored really easily. When I turned to the tv to look what was going on right now, I saw it was an interview. With none other than Nakamoto Yuta, the actor who had given me those weird feelings at the award show a year ago. Who still gave me those weird feelings. I felt my heart starting to pound faster and my hand starting to shake slightly. I hurried to change the channel. _What is wrong with me?_

Just in that moment my manager entered my apartment. I quickly went back into the kitchen and continued to take care of the food.

“Good morning,” my manager greeted me with a smile.

“Morning,” I greeted back. “Do you want to eat something?” I asked her. She was pregnant at the moment, though only in second month, and I felt responsible to take care of her, whenever I could. Even if it was just food. If one believed my friends, I was a mother myself afterall.

“No thanks. I ate just now, with my husband,” she answered. Ah, yes. People with normal working schedules had a day off today, it was saturday.

“I see. Do you mind if I eat then?” I always asked to be sure, even though I knew the answer already. “Of course not! I want you to stay healthy!” My manager laughed. She had a bright, relaxing laugh that always calmed me down. My mother was the only other person who had this power on me. But my manager had been with me since I had been a trainee, so she was something very similar to my mother.

While I was eating, my manager started talking about my schedule for the next month.

“As you know, there isn't much going on at the moment. The company is actually being generous at the moment, they're not pushing me to get your schedule full,” she started to talk. “However, since I know you wouldn't want to be completely workless the next two months, I accepted a job offer for you.” Excitedly I looked up to her. “What kind of job?” I asked.

“You will do the OST to a Japanese series. It will help you improve your Japanese and since it's only one song, it's not too much right after your tour. They are giving you a lot of freedom with the song itself, they only want to set the rough theme that you have to go along with.” She looked at me with a smile. “You have to thank Jungwoo for this job by the way, he recommended you.”

“I will,” I said.

“Ah! There is one thing I forgot,” she said. I looked at her expectedly. “You won't be working alone. There will be a singer joining you, though they don't know who just yet.” That kind of took the spice out, I wasn't as excited anymore. “Oh,” I said.

“Don't be so gloomy! It will turn out just fine, trust me. My gut says so.”

About two hours after my manager left, I called Jungwoo (I took the opportunity when my phone stopped buzzing for a moment).

“ _Hello?”_ he answered the phone.

“Jungwoo, it's me, Taeyong.”

“ _Hyung, I didn't expect you at all! What's going on?”_

“I wanted to thank you, my manager said you recommended me for that OST.”

“ _Ah, yes. That's no problem, really Hyung. Yuta-hyung's manager offered the job to me, but my schedule won't allow it. But then I remembered you are learning Japanese AND you just finished your tour, so I recommended you.”_

“Thank you, really. I am starting to get bored, I really needed something to do.”

It was only after our call ended, that I realized Jungwoo had mentioned Yuta. This wasn't a series Yuta starred in, was it? I really hoped it wasn't, but luck was never on my side, so when I called my manager, she confirmed. In fact, Yuta even had the main role! Now I really didn't want to do the job. But there was no backing off now. Not only had my manager already accepted the job and it would be rude to pull out now, she also considered my boredom and my wish to improve my Japanese. I couldn't do this to her.

In the last year I had tried to avoid anything about Yuta, as much as possible. Which was hard when one of your friends is a giant fanboy of said person and your best friend has the opinion you don't go out with him enough and drags you off to the next cinema to watch a movie with said person in it. Only seeing Yuta on screen made my heart beat violently, what would happen if I met him accidentally? I really didn't want to imagine that.

It was time I paid my best friend a visit. Guarded by a face mask, sunglasses and a cap, I made my way to Johnny's place.

“Johnny, it's me, Taeyong. Let me in,” said into the intercom after I had rung the bell. The door buzzed and I entered the large apartment building.

“Come in,” Johnny said as I reached his apartment. I entered, took off my shoes and sat down on his couch afterwards.

“What's going on?” he asked as he sat down in fron of me.

“I got offered a job in Japan.” That was all I said.

“I see. And?”

“What do you mean 'And'?” Johnny rolled his eyes at me.

“You wouldn't come here to tell me, if it was just that. There has to be something else to it, or you would have stuck with calling.”

“It's not like I can call often, with my phone buzzing all the time.” In fact, my phone was buzzing at the moment too. Not that he was wrong, but still the cheeky answer left my mouth.

He looked at me with a mix of pity and annoyment. “You know what I mean.”

I sighed. “Yes I do,” I admitted.

“So what's going on?” he asked again.

“Like I said, I got offered a job in Japan. But I don't wanna go.”

“Then don't,” he said bluntly.

“It's not that easy. My manager accepted the job already, she's just trying to help me... and it's not the job itself that bothers me.”

“Then what is it?” Johnny looked at me with that face that said 'just get to the point'.

“It's an OST for a series with Nakamoto Yuta in it.” Johnny gave me a confused look. I hadn't told him of my Yuta-problem yet.

“I met him at the award show a year a go, the one Jungwoo took me along to,” I started explaining. Johnny looked at me with a serious face.

“As you know, I was still dating Thea at the time. But even though I was in a relationship, when I saw him, I felt drawn to him. Not in the way you fell when you see someone you have a little crush on, but to me it was something I should feel when I was with Thea. Not when I look at someone I had just met. Do you get what I mean?” Johnny, still with a serious look on his face, shook his head.

“My heart was beating really fast, not the way when you're exhausted, but the way when you're in love! Like _really_ in love! It felt so _wrong!_ And it hasn't stopped. I just have to see him on the screen or hear his voice to feel that weird feeling all over again!” I felt close to crying. Now Johnny had an understanding look on his face.

“So, what you're saying is, you have feelings for someone you don't know at all and only met once in your life?” he asked.

“NO! How can I be in love with someone I don't know?” Johnny shrugged. “I didn't say you're in love. You just have some weird feelings, right? Maybe your body is trying to tell you something... Like that he is just a possible match.”

“But I was already in a relationship. To say it your way, I already had a match!” I was really frustrated.

“Yeah, but you broke up shortly after. It's not rare that our body knows things before our mind does. Or do you think, you broke up because you met Yuta and your body thinks Yuta is a better match?”

“Could you please stop going on about my body? It's really irritating!” Johnny smiled. “I'm just trying to find an explanation.”

I sighed. “I know, sorry... It's just so frustrating.” I laid my head into my hands. Johnny rubbed soothing circles on my back, something he had done ever since I knew him, to calm me down.

But Johnny's assumptions made me think. Of course, I left out all the body points, they really irritated me. But was it possible? Did my relationship with Thea fail, because I met Yuta?

_Could one meeting have such an impact?_

* * *

My manager left out a long sigh. It startled both me and the rest of the crew.

We were reviewing our shots together with the director, when all our managers came back from a meeting with the production team.

“What's going on?” I asked on behalf of everybody. The exact same question was written all over their faces.

“They can't find a singer to accompany Taeyong,” my manager said. The director looked up from the screen and had a thoughtful look on his face for a moment.

“Why don't we just take Nakamoto-kun? It will make the series look even better...” he then said after a long pause.

I gaped at him. “Me?! I'm an actor, not a singer!” To say I was shocked was an understatement.

“But you can sing, I heard you backstage loads of times,” the director said with an almost dreamy look on his face. “You have a really lovely voice.”

“I heard him too,” Himura Miako-san (I usually called her Mi-chan), my co-actress and best friend chimed in. “You really are a good singer, Yuta-kun.” I did not appreciate that compliment, not at all.

“I love that idea! I'm going to talk to the production team immediately!” my manager yelled. Traitor.

“Come on, Yuta-kun. You're amazing at singing, I love your voice,” Mi-chan tried to reassure me.

“You don't count, Mi-chan. You're my best friend, you're biased.” She sighed. “Because I'm your best friend, I count twice as much. If you couldn't sing, I would tell you, trust me. You really have a beautiful voice.” Now it was my turn to sigh. “If I have to...” I had been defeated.

“You have to.”


	3. Chapter 2

"Come in.", said a male voice. I looked up from my phone. In front of me stood a tall man with a kind look on his face. Only now I noticed that he had spoken Japanese. "You must be Taeyong-san. My name is Tamura Reiji. I'm here to set the basic agreements for the song with you."

I stood up and bowed. "Yes. Nice to meet you."

Behind Tamura-san stood my manager, who gave me her thumbs up. Tamura-san and I sat down and the both of us pulled out our note books.

"I hope it is okay for you, if we do this in Japanese, my Korean is not the best." Tamura-san said and smiled at me.

"Yes, of course. That's no problem at all." I answered.

Tamura-san explained to me the song was suppose to be a bit dark, though not too much. It should be about suffering as well as about hope given by a loved one.

"We want the song to be written by you and your partner, which is why you will be expected in Japan next week. I hope you manager has already told you about that." I nodded. Yes, she had already told me about it, and it didn't bother me at all. As long as I didn't have to meet Yuta, everything would be fine. After all, I still saw this as a chance to improve my Japanese.

During the car ride back to my apartment I started to think about the meeting.  _ Why hadn't they told me who I was going to work with? Wasn't that important information? _

My manager must have noticed my frown, because she asked me "Is everything alright?"

I nodded. "Yes, it's just they haven't told us who I'm going to be working with. Isn't that weird?"

"I was told that they have trouble finding someone who fits. They said they're going to call me within the week, so don't worry."

"Mmh..." I still found it weird.  _ Shouldn't they have someone by now? We're starting to work next week after all... _

When I got home I turned off  _ do not disturb _ on my phone and immediately my phone started buzzing with incoming messages and calls from Thea. I sighed. "Why can't she just leave me alone?"

I read some of the messages:

_ Call me back! _

_ You can't ignore me forever _

_ Who do you think you are?! _

_ This is not over! _

I sighed again. That seemed to become a daily routine by now. Slowly I massaged my temples. Thea was giving me a headache. Why did she have to become that way after we broke up? She never was like this when we were together. The phone kept buzzing and buzzing, the sound never left my ears, no matter where I went in my apartment.

Two days later, during one of the few breaks Thea took from calling me, my manager called. At first I didn't even bother picking up, after all chances were high it was Thea, but when I saw my manager's name I immediately answered.

_ "God, you have no idea how many times I had to call to get through... Is she still calling you all the time?" _ , my manager said when I picked up.

"Yes, sadly."

_ "I'm so sorry, Taeyong..." _

"Don't be, it's not your fault. What is it?"

_ "They told me your co-singer. You're going to work with Nakamoto Yuta. I didn't even know he could sing!" _ , my manager laughed.

I was so shocked, not a sound left my mouth.  _ With Nakamoto Yuta? With Yuta?!  _ My worst nightmares had come true.

_ "Taeyong? Is everything all right?" _

"What, um, yeah, of course. Thank you for telling me." That's how the call ended.

"Oh my god."

  
  


I spent the evening before my manager and I left for Japan at Johnny's place. To be honest, I was panicking.

"Everything will be all right Yuta. I'm pretty sure Yuta is one of the kindest human beings on this earth. At least that's what Jungwoo told me. There's nothing to be afraid of." Johnny tried to give me courage, but sadly, he was failing miserably. I sat on his couch, my legs constantly moving and my head in my hands. My nervousness was tiring me so much, that after two hours I spent at Johnny's place I fell asleep. 

I felt really bad the next morning, when my manager came to pick me up One, because of Johnny, because he always had to put up with my selfconciousness and anxiety, especially since he is busy himself and because of my manager, who had to come to pick me up from Johnny's place, when we had a place to be at. On time.

  
  


Yuta was already waiting for us, when we arrived at the studio. _ What did I get myself into...? _

* * *

On the day I would be working with Taeyong for the first time, I had been in the studio since morning. Because it was the first day, they had given me the whole day off filming. Now I was pacing around nervously in the studio, much to the annoyance of my manager. To be honest, I would much rather be filming right now, than be in this studio with nothing else to do than pacing around.

"God, Yuta, would you calm down please. You're getting on my nerves.", my manager said in an annoyed tone.

"I'm sorry...", I said and sat down. However, sitting couldn't really stop my legs from bouncing up and down and my hands from sweating. Nervously I tried to rub them dry on my thighs.

Just in that moment the door opened and Teyong came in, followed by who I assumed to be his manager.  _ Okay Yuta, calm down _ , I told myself.

This is really weird, but when I saw again how beautiful and handsome Taeyong was, I immediately calmed down. I guess normally, one would be even more nervous, but in my case it was the exact opposite. Taeyong had this calming aura around him that made my heartbeat slow down.

I stood up and bowed, then I proceeded to shake their hands.

"Nice to meet you." I said. "My name is Nakamoto Yuta."

"I'm Lee Taeyong." Taeyong answered. 

After first introductions, our managers left the studio together, probably to compare our schedules or something.

There was an awkward silence between Taeyong and me. If there's something I hated the most, then it was awkward silences. Especially when they involved me. I could act them out, but when it came to real ones, I could not bear them.

"How about you sit down? Do you want to drink something?" I asked because I couldn't stand the silence anymore.

"Ahh, yes, thank you." Taeyong sat down and I handed him a glass of water.

"Do you know what the song's going to be about?" he asked after another long silence.

"Yes, of course. Is there anything in particular you want to include? I mean, you'll have to do most of the writing, since I really don't know anything about songwriting and composing..." I smiled triumphantly when he let out a small chuckle.

"No, not really. You'll have to help me with the Japanese though." Though Taeyong's voice was kind, he didn't look me in the eyes once during our conversation, which made me frown.  _ Doesn't he like me...? _

* * *

When I entered the studio, my heart began beating faster immediately. Yuta was sitting on a couch on the side of the room and was looking at me. He stood up and bowed to us, then he offered his hadn to shake. Since I didn't want to seem rude, I took his hand in mine, hoping that he wouldn't notice how sweaty my hands were. He gave me a big smile when he introduced himself.

"Nice to meet you." he said. "My name is Nakamoto Yuta."  _ I know. _

Nervously I answered "I'm Lee Taeyong." I hoped so much that he didn't hear the tremble in my voice.

When he offered me something to drink I gladly accepted. My throat was dry and my heart was beating so loudly I almost couldn't hear my voice anymore. The whole time we were spending together I didn't dare look in his eyes. I feared he would become suspicious, that he would catch my feelings and distance himself from me. Maybe he would even be disgusted. I didn't want that to happen, if it did I would probably crumble to pieces. Looking back now, that probably wasn't my wisest decision.

When we started to speak about the song I tried hard to make my heart beat less loud, less fast, but none of my attempts were successful.

"Do you know what the song's going to be about?" I asked him. Immediately afterwards I felt like slapping myself.  _ Of course he knows, you idiot! He probably knows better than you! _

I heard the laughter in his voice when he answered "Yes, of course. Is there anything in particular you want to include? I mean, you'll have to do most of the writing, since I really don't know anything about songwriting and composing..." I let out a small chuckle. I mean I was still nervous, but somehow I found that really cute. I don't know why, but that sentence made me want to squish his cheeks. And that made me feel weird about myself.

"No, not really. You'll have to help me with the Japanese though." I said. I was also going to tell him that I was learning Japanese, but he cut me off when he said "How about we start with a mindmap or something? That way we can include both our ideas."

"Yeah, sure." I said. "Could you maybe tell me the plot of the series, as an orientation? I mean, only if you're allowed."

He let out a chuckle. "Of course. The story is about a young man who has lost his family. They were murdered. He swears to find their murderer, but when he finds out it was actually his father who murdered his family and then killed himself he goes mad. He becomes a killer himself. During the day he is a normal student but at night every few months he loses control and kills somebody, without remembering it the next day.

Then one day he falls in love, with someone who has witnessed him killing somebody. Of course he doesn't know that. To prove him guilty, the girl tries to get to know him, to get him to fall for her completely. She knows how dangerous it is, but does it anyways. And they become close, very close. The man tells her all his secrets, his fears, the story of his life and that's where she realizes her mistake. She has started caring about him, in a way she shouldn't care about a murderer."

A shiver ran down my spine. What a disturbing story. "What's your role?" I asked.

"I'm the protagonist, the murderer. It's actually a quite typical role for me. And my best friend Himura Miako plays my love interest." I nodded.

"Should we start?" I asked and got my tablet.

"Yeah."

Yuta's Korean was really impressive. I wanted to ask him about it, but I was afraid to do so. I mean, I already knew he spoke good Korean. He had roles in Korean dramas and movies, so of course he spoke the language but still. I could only dream of speaking Japanese or even English like that.

In the evening I was laying in my hotel room, feeling like an idiot. Why hadn't I just tried to get to know Yuta a little bit more, why did I have to have these stupid feelings?

I turned to lay on my stomach and buried my head in my pillow. There was no use in dwelling on things I should have done, the only thing I could do was change my behaviour the next day.

Of course that's easier said than done.


	4. Chapter 3

It had been a week since Yuta and I started working together.

Whenever he had time off from filming, he was in the studio with me helping me to get my Japanese right. Of course I was thankful, but there were times I thought it was better to work without him; not because I couldn't stand him, of course, it was just hard for me to concentrate when he was around. Really hard. And it made me feel bad because I knew I shouldn't be affected by such things.

But at least I had made some progress when it came to talking to him. After a week I finally managed to look into his eyes. It was really embarrassing still, but I guess it would have been weird if I avoided his eyes all the time.

Yuta was full of life, he lifted the entire room's mood immediately when he entered and he took my breath away. He had such a beautiful personality, he was hard working, polite and open minded and he was always happy to be helpful. I was seriously reconsidering what Johnny had said. Maybe my body really knew before me that he was the right one for me - that's fast, you think? He seriously had me thinking that far after only one week of getting to know him. I still didn't think I _loved_ him. But the attraction was there and there was no doubt about it.

And then there was his voice. I loved his voice. I had only heard it once, when we were going over a few possible melodies but I immediately fell in love with it.

I mean, it wasn't the strongest voice, it was untrained after all, but it was clear and soft, almost vulnerable in the way he carried it. It was beautiful.

On one day during the second week I had been invited to the studio, they wanted me to get a better view of the story and of course it was the easiest to do that when I saw actual scenes from the series.

It was a day when Yuta wouldn't have been able to come to the studio, so I was relieved I would still get to meet him, even if we probably wouldn't be able to spend much time together. Not that we spent a lot of our time together when we weren't working.

When I entered the studio I was met with a large hall full of people running and shouting around; they were preparing for the next scene and everything had to be perfect.

I spotted Yuta somewhere in a corner for a moment, then my view was blocked again from the many people.

I was greeted by the director and the head of the production team, Honda-san and Yamanaka-san.

“Taeyong-san, it's nice to finally meet you!”, said Honda-san. The middle aged man was a bit taller than I was, so I had to slightly look up to him.

“Likewise. Yuta-san has told me about you.” I answered and bowed.

“I hope the two of you are getting along? We know the decision was a bit sudden, to have our main actor work on the OST...” Yamanaka-san, the head of the production team said.

“Yes, of course. Yuta-san is very easy to work with.” I said. She seemed to be very relieved by my answer, as if she had been expecting something else.

There was a loud noise and the director looked at me.

“The next scene is ready to be filmed, do you want to watch?” I nodded and he signalled me to follow him. I sat down next to him in one of those typical film set chairs and focused on the set before me. A girl entered the picture, followed by Yuta, who was dressed in casual wear.

“Yoroshiku onegaishimasu!” they said and got into position.

They started with a dialogue; I couldn't understand everything, but I did pick up some parts.

“I feel afraid... It's like some part of my … tells me to … to destroy everything. As if I'm not myself anymore...” _Yuta..._ Yuta had a pained expression on his face, it felt so real, that it pained me to watch. I wanted to go to him and do something against this sadness of his, but I didn't, I knew it wasn't real, I knew it was only an act.

This scene and two others were filmed before there was finally a break. I had been stunned. All the actors and the crew were so amazing, even if he couldn't understand everything.

In the break Yuta joined me and my manager. Yamanaka-san also joined us. She immediately turned to Yuta and started a light hearted conversation with him. I could hear how she complimented him and thanked him for his hard work. Yuta thanked her and then turned to me to ask me “Have you already met?” I felt a light blush creeping up my cheeks as he talked to me.

“Yes, we have.” I was surprised I didn't stutter. Yuta gave me one of his dazzling smiles and turned to speak to Yamanaka-san again. I could actually feel the jealousy starting to build up in my stomach. They seemed so familiar with each other. _Don't Taeyong,_ I warned myself. _You have no right to be jealous, Yuta isn't yours!_

“Ah, by the way, Taeyong,” Yuta pulled me out of my inner monologue. “Do you want to go grab some dinner tonight with my manager and me? I'm free earlier than usual.”

“Uh...” Before I could answer, my manager interfered. “Of course he'll come. I will, too if that's okay.” Yuta grinned. “Great! And of course you're welcome to join!”

* * *

During the week Taeyong and I had worked together the feeling that Taeyong didn't like me didn't leave. Even though he had warmed up to me a little, he was still distant and didn't really let me get to know him. I barely knew anything. But that didn't stop me from liking him, he was polite and not arrogant at all, and even if he was distant, he was still interesting to be around.

When I saw him on set on the first day that I couldn't come to the studio, I was really happy. I felt like I had to do something about that distant relationship of ours. After all, I wouldn't have to be on set until morning this time. It was the perfect opportunity. All I had to do was ask my manager.

I didn't have a chance until late afternoon, when I had my first break since Taeyong arrived. I joined him and his manager, about to speak up about my plans, when Yamanaka-san joined us.

“Nakamoto-san, good work. You did really well,” she said while smiling at me.

“Yes, thank you, you too.” I gave her a smile. I then remembered Taeyong was here and asked him “Have you already met?” I could see how he started to blush a little. _Weird._

“Yes, we have.” his voice sounded a little more silent than usual. I turned to Yamanaka-san again. “He's great, isn't he?” I asked her. She smiled at me. “Yes, you did a great job choosing him.” In the corner of my eye I could see how Taeyong's expression became a bit sour. _Maybe he isn't feeling well..?_

“Ah, by the way, Taeyong.” What I had said must have pulled him out of whatever sour thoughts he had been thinking about, because as soon as I spoke he looked up and the sour look left his face. _Did I imagine it?_ Chosing to ignore it I continued “Do you want to go grab some dinner tonight with my manager and me? I'm free earlier than usual.” I could see he wanted to say something, but his manager interfered. “Of course he'll come. I will, too if that's okay.” Yuta grinned. “Great! And of course you're welcome to join!” The feeling of relieve filled my body and the tension I didn't notice left my body. Maybe I could get Taeyong to like me after all.

About two hours later we left the set and drove onto the busy streets of Tokyo. Taeyong's van was following mine closely as we found our way through the labyrinth that were the streets of Tokyo.

I had chosen a small restaurant not too close to the city centre where the chance of being found was a bit lower. Not that it would be a problem to be found; I had grown used to it and Taeyong probably as well, but it was still more comfortable not to be surrounded by fans.

Taeyong and I sat across each other, as did our managers. We placed our orders and started to talk casually. I found out that Taeyong's manager was actually pregnant. “Is it okay to be in Japan so long if you're pregnant?” I asked. “Yes, at this state it's okay,” his manager laughed.

Our food came and the topic quickly changed to our jobs. “Why did you accept the job offer?” I asked Taeyong.

“Well, … I didn't have anything else to do, not right now at least,” he answered and his manager laughed. “That's only half of the truth,” she said. “He's actually learning Japanese right now and had been looking for a job in Japan for a longer time now.” That spiked my interest.

“Really?” I asked excitedly. Taeyong seemed to find that funny, because he started laughing.

He had the most wonderful laugh I had ever heard. Okay, it wasn't _exactly_ beautiful, but to me it was like music. And in that moment it didn't seem weird to me that I thought of it that way. That only hit me later that night. It didn't seem weird that I loved his laugh and little giggles, the faint blush painting his cheeks when he laughed too much or was embarrassed or that he would play with his hair when he was absentmindedly looking out of the window, thinking. It didn't seem weird that I wanted to witness all of that again. Later that night, when I was alone in my bedroom I was all the more embarrassed.

“Yes, really,” he said, a few giggles still leaving his mouth.

“Why didn't you tell me?” I pouted.

He looked a bit uncomfortable and there was a faint blush covering his cheeks and ears. “It's a bit embarrassing to admit to a native speaker...”

“Not at all!” I exclaimed. “The whole past week was a wasted learning opportunity!” He started to smile again, even if a bit reluctant.

“I tell you what. From this moment on I will only speak in Japanese with you, no exception.” And that was exactly what I did. “Tell me when you don't understand something, I'll translate it for you.” He grinned and nodded. “I understand,” he said and I almost had an heart attack at his Japanese. Of course I heard him speaking a bit before, we wrote the song in Japanese after all, but he usually just translated what I said. Hearing him speak on his own was next level. And it was so _cute._ He still had a light accent (I did as well when speaking Korean, or even standard Japanese, but shh, nobody has to know that) and it was the most endearing thing ever.

“Is that how you learned Korean?” he asked. I nodded. “Yes, I lived in Korea for half a year. When I first arrived my Korean was really shit,” I said and we both laughed. I was glad Taeyong was opening up to me a bit.

“Where did you stay?” he asked me.

“Seoul,” I answered shortly. He nodded and smiled. I responded back with a smile of my own and we sat there for a few moments just looking at each other.

“Where are you from?” I asked him after a while.

“From Seoul,” he answered grinning at me.

I switched back to Korean for a moment. I wanted him to understand everything I was about to say. “You know, this past week I couldn't help feeling you didn't like me.” He looked down on his hands. “I'm sorry,” he whispered. I smiled and continued. “But I'm happy you're opening up to me now. I see now that you're probably just shy...”

He looked up. He wasn't blushing, but his eyes didn't quite know where to look. “I'm sorry, if it seemed that way... I'm not very good at opening up to people immediately after meeting them.”

“It's okay, not everybody can be a social butterfly like me. It was stupid of me to assume that, sorry,” I tried to reassure him. It must have worked because he locked eyes with me and gave me a blinding smile. “Thank you,” he said.

Starting from that evening on the mood in the studio became more relaxed. We were able to joke around together and actually get to know each other. I liked this open side of Taeyong much more than his distanced side. He was refreshing and almost unbearably cute, if he wanted to. Of course he could also be immensely graceful and, even if I didn't really want to admit it, quite sexy. There was an attraction I felt for him that hadn't been quite there before, an attraction I hadn't felt in quite a long time for another person.

* * *

After the dinner with Yuta, I became more open. I don't know what it was, but the dinner made something in me switch from defence mode to open mode. Yuta had so many fascinating aspects to him that I hadn't been able to witness before because I had been shutting him off, like that he was probably one of the biggest Otakus on this planet, or that he loved to sing whenever he took a break (something I had found out when I visited the film set again) or that he wasn't shy to start whining to get something he wanted (which had been cup ramen in my case, when he didn't have money on him).

Hadn't I started opening up to him I probably wouldn't have ever seen this side of him. But at the same time this made my attraction to him even more real. I knew him now, as a person, not as celebrity. The fact that his real personality drew me in even more than his public personality meant there was no way out anymore. There was no denying my feelings, no getting over him, which had been hopeless before already. There was no denying that I really was in love with him.


	5. Chapter 4

Being in love with Yuta was a realization that scared me more than it made me happy. I was afraid I would lose him the second I returned to Korea, the moment the physical me left his side. I was afraid to be rejected. And yet I couldn't draw away from him. With everything he did he pulled me closer, made me loose myself more in his comforting and calming nature. I was scared.

The moment I was called back to Korea for a series of interviews I knew, or believed, my fears to be confirmed. I had gotten so used to the presence of Yuta in my life that my stomach clenched the moment I stepped foot into the airport.

As the clouds painted the image of a white ocean beneath the plane my thoughts immediately drifted to him. I thought of his smile, his voice, the way he looked whenever he was acting, so full of enthusiasm and ambition, his sneaky remarks and easy personality. I thought of how we had grown so close in such a short span of time. It was incredible, really. I felt like he knew everything about me, which he didn't, but he understood me so well, it was almost scary.

Flashes of cameras and shouting reporters and fans confronted me, when stepped out of the airport, but my mind still occupied by Yuta, didn't quite notice. Out of habit I waved at them, let then shoot pictures, but my mind barely registered my movement. I was like a robot.

Only when the buzzing of my phone started again was I pulled out of my train of thought. I had totally forgotten that I had an obsessive ex who was always calling me to get my attention. She hadn't called me in days, I almost thought she had given up.

Once I was in my apartment, which felt colder and more foreign than ever before, I decided to pick up. The least I could do was to listen to whatever she had to say.

When I picked up, I was greeted with the sound of crying. I didn't say anything. Nothing I could've said would have comforted her. After a minute of silent sniffling, She finally started to speak.

“ _...Do you hate me...?”_ I didn't say anything. I couldn't.

“ _Taeyong... Let's get back together... please...”_ Still no answer from me.

“ _I... I can't stand to live without you...”_ Finally I opened my mouth to answer.

“I- I can't. My heart no longer belongs to you.” My voice was shaking.

“ _Do you have someone else..?”_ Again I didn't answer.

“ _Taeyong!”_

“... Yes.”

“ _I can't believe you! What have I ever done to you?! Why don't you love me?!”_ Thea started shouting. When she made a break to breathe, I started to talk again.

“Thea... Please, I beg you... Just don't call me anymore. It's not healthy, for either of us... So please, just leave me alone...” I was so tired, so tired of her and her antics, so tired of being alone, so tired of everything.

“ _Don't think this is over. You will regret ever leaving me. I will make you suffer, just as much as I did, even if that means I'll have to crush that little whore you're in love with. She will suffer with you, just wait an-”_ I hung up, cutting her off mid sentence.

I stood in my empty living room. My mind was blank, as if it didn't want to process anything Thea just said. I stood there, not moving an inch, my phone still clutched in my hand. Then, I started to shiver. My head hurt and my legs gave in. I started to scream, tears flowing down my face. I didn't know why I screamed. Was it because I was afraid? Because I was hurt? It felt as though everything was crashing down on me. I was in a trance, didn't register anything around me, not being lifted and gently laid into bed, not being embraced by strong, warm and comforting arms, not the words whispered to me to calm me down.

I woke up the next morning with what had to be the worst headache of my life and my throat hurting. My face felt tight, the dried tears prevented my facial muscles from moving properly.

I lifted my body with a groan and went into the bathroom attached to my bedroom. How had I even gotten into my bed..? When I looked into the mirror I was met with bloodshot eyes and deep eye bags, I still had the clothes on from the day before. I looked on my phone for the time. 5.23 a.m. Yes, that sounded a lot like me. I sighed and stripped myself off my clothes. A shower was much needed now.

Afterward I got dressed and entered my living room, only to be greeted with a sleeping Johnny on my couch. That certainly explained why I woke up in my bed. Trying to be as silent as possible I entered my kitchen and started making breakfast with whatever eatable was left in my kitchen. There wasn't much, I had been in japan for a while after all, but at least I found some bread and cheese in my freezer, which I put into my oven for faster melting. I don't know if it was a good idea to put the cheese in as well, but whatever.

I got startled when I heard a door opening and was greeted by my managers worried face.

“Taeyong...” she whispered and then proceeded to hug me. I didn't know why, but as soon as I was put into those arms, tears started welling up again. I silently cried into her shoulder.

“Shh... Everything is going to be alright...” she whispered in my ear and stroked over my head. It felt as though it was my mom hugging me, which only made me cry harder.

“Please don't tell my parents...” I pleaded into her shoulder.

“Okay.”

* * *

_Taeyong is gone_ , was my first thought on the morning after he flew to Korea. Of course I knew it wasn't permanent, but that alone was enough for me to realize that there would be a time when he would have to return to Korea for good. That was something I just couldn't prevent. It was his home after all. There he had family, friends, a girlfriend... Did he have a girlfriend? I didn't even want to think about the reason why that thought upset me so much.

And I missed him. God, I missed him so much. I missed his soothing voice, his little smile that always greeted me whenever I entered the studio, the way he ruffled his hair when he was frustrated. I missed his everything. He was only gone for one day and I already felt like I was suffocating.

“...-ta. Yuta!” I snapped out of my thoughts. It was Mi-chan.

“What is it?”

“You were spacing out again. What's going on with you?” She eyes me up and down suspiciously.

“Nothing.” My voice was almost like a whisper. I knew she didn't believe me. It had already been the third time she had to snap me out of my thoughts this morning.

“Hey. I'm not your best friend for nothing, okay? You can talk to me.” She said. By her voice I could tell that she was worried. “Later, okay?” I said and she sighed, but nodded anyways.

During the days Taeyong was gone, our director hoped to finish the last few episodes. There were only eight scenes left to shoot for me, for the rest I didn't have to be present, so we focused on those scenes for now, so that I could focus on the song when Taeyong came back. It disappointed me a bit that there was no opportunity left for Taeyong to come and watch me. I liked to have his eyes on me, I liked to entertain him.

It was starting to become dark and we finally wrapped up for the day. I could already feel Mi-chan's eyes on me and I motioned her to follow me. I excused myself from my manager and got into Mi-chan's car. Together we drove back to her place.

She sat in front of me. Neither of us spoke at first.

“Yuta.” My head snapped up and I looked into her eyes. “Are you in love?”

I could feel my heart skipping a beat and my mind filled with pictures of Taeyong immediately. _Ah, I really am, aren't I,_ was all I thought. I knew denying wouldn't lead to anything.

“I guess I am.” I answered more calmly than I was feeling. She nodded and smiled at me.

“That's great! But you can't let it affect your work.” I was feeling guilty. I knew I slowed down filming today because of how absentminded I was. “I know. I'm sorry.” Again, she smiled gently.

“So who is it. Boy or girl?” I laughed out loud. That was more like her.

“A boy. You know him.”

“Don't tell me- is it Hayato?!” I almost choked on my spit. Hayato was Mi-chan's older brother and though I had to admit he was quite good-looking... “No! What are you thinking?!”

“Admit it, you once had a crush on him!” My cheeks were covered in pink by now.

“Well- yeah, but that was in middle school!!” She was laughing loudly now. “I knew it!”

“So, who is it then?” she asked after she had calmed down.

“T-Taeyong.” I have to admit I was quite embarrassed.

“Eh?” She asked and looked at me, shocked.

“What is it?”

“I didn't think it would be him... Although looking back now, you always had a fond look on your face when looking at him...”

I looked at her questioningly.

“I mean, when he was there you kind of always looked at him, you know. At least you were subtle enough not to do so directly, at least most of the time... You looked so calm when he was there...”

“I didn't notice.” I said.

“Of course you didn't!” she laughed. “Who ever does?”

I smiled and nodded. “I guess that's true...”

“But Yuta...” I looked into her eyes again. “I'll always be by your side and I will do everything in my power to help you.” A wave of thankfulness rushed through me and I leaned over the small table to hug her.

“I know. Thank you.”

* * *

A very large amount of make-up and a very good stylist covered up most traces of my break down, though I still looked tired. I was sure my fans would notice at leat something, but there was nothing more I could do.

The interview was tiring, so tiring that I slept in the van for at least two hours before waking up.

I was meeting Johnny, Jungwoo and Yang Yang, a colleague of Johnny's and also a friend of mine. When I arrived Johnny threw subtle glances in my direction. I knew he wanted to talk about what happened.

Jungwoo started talking as soon as I sat down. “How is it working with Yuta?” At the sound of his name I felt my insides squirm and a light blush painted my cheeks.

“It's fine. We get along well.” I answered, trying to avoid talking about Yuta.

“Ahhh, I'm so jealous!” Jungwoo exclaimed, which made me chuckle.

The rest of our meeting also went by smoothly and it was already late night when we finally parted. Johnny was walking by my side when I started walking towards my apartment. It was so late that we could actually walk around without any disguise.

“Do you really get along?” Johnny asked breaking the comfortable silence embracing us.

“Yes, we got really close after the first week...” I could feel Johnny release some tension next to me.

“I'm relieved...” he sighed. “I thought you would ignore him forever.” I hit his arm playfully, pouting lightly.

“So... are you in love..?” I could sense he was reluctant to ask, as though he was afraid of asking.

“I am.” Johnny looked at me with a smug expression that said 'I told you so'. I rolled my eyes. I decided not to tell him how afraid I was. I had a feeling that it was a conversation for another time.

A comfortable silence surrounded us again as we were walking side by side.

“Do- do you want to talk about what happened yesterday..?” Johnny asked breaking the silence between us yet again.

I didn't answer for about a minute and Johnny probably already had given up when I said “I talked to Thea...” Johnny looked at me with a shocked expression, but he didn't say anything. I took it as a sign to continue.

“She hadn't called me in days, so decided to pick up. At first she was crying and didn't say anything. Then she started to speak. She said she wanted to get back together, that she couldn't stand living without me... I told her that I can't, that my heart no longer belongs to her, and then she asked me if I had somebody else. I told er yes. I probably shouldn't have told her... She started to scream at me. So I asked her to leave me alone. She took it really badly. She said she would make me suffer. And the one I'm in love with, too.” Johnny hadn't interrupted me once. Even now he was still walking silently beside me.

“I don't know why I had a break down after that. I don't know.” I stopped talking. For the rest of the walk to my apartment, neither of us opened their mouth again.

When I turned to enter the building my apartment was in, Johnny called after me one last time. I turned to look at him.

“I will protect you, no matter what. So don't despair, please.” Johnny had a pleading look on his face. I smiled at him and nodded.

_I know._


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that I always take so long with the chapters!  
> I know that it's a bit short and I had more planned but I decided that those things would fit better in the next chapter so you'll have to wait a bit more for that.  
> Nonetheless enjoy and I hope it won't take so long to finish the next one.

Two days after my little talk with Mi-chan Taeyong was finally back. Determined to do something about our situation and after our first recording session I approached him.

“Hey, Taeyong,” I said and he looked at me. “Would you like to get some dinner, just the two of us?” The dinner had been a suggestion of Mi-chan's that I planned to follow.

I saw Taeyong's cheeks turning a bit pink. Was that a good sign?

Apparently it was because after a moment or two he said “Yeah, sure.”

\---

When Yuta and I left the studio the sun was about to set and gave the sky a nice warm colour. Yuta led me to his car and opened the door for me. I couldn't help but blush even more than I already did. I stepped past Yuta and slid into the car.

What was this about...? I couldn't help but wonder. Was this supposed to be a date or just a friendly dinner between friends? Though I couldn't help but to hope for the former I warned myself not to get those hopes too high. We didn't have much time left with each other anyway and getting my hopes too high would only lead to even more pain.

Yuta got into the driver's seat and started our journey to whatever restaurant Yuta had picked. Throughout the drive I sat in my seat unable to calm down. My hands were sweating and because I was unsure where to look I just stared out the window and looked at the other cars passing ours. From time to time I had the feeling of Yuta looking briefly at me but that could've been my nerves. What was I supposed to do? I was nervous like I hadn't been in ages. Even at concerts I wasn't this nervous.

“The streets of Tokyo are quite beautiful at night, aren't they?” Yuta said. He probably couldn't stand the silence. Absentmindedly I nooded my head. Yuta was right. They really were beautiful. I mean they were very bright, as bright as one would expect from one of the world's largest cities, but nonetheless beautiful.

However in this moment even the beauty of Tokyo's streets at night couldn't calm my nerves. Yuta probably noticed because he didn't say another word for the rest of the ride. Not that it was a long one. Given that it was already quite late, the streets weren't quite as packed as during day time. Because of that I found myself in front of a traditional Japanese restaurant only 15 minutes later.

“Come on,” Yuta said. “This is my favourite restaurant in Tokyo.” I followed him inside, knowing that I was being rather awkward. I sat down across from Yuta, staring onto the table.

“Do you...” he began. “Don't you want to be here?” In shock I looked up. Had I made him feel that way?

“No!” I almost yelled. “I mean... Of course I want to be here but...” Yuta stared expectantly into my eyes, the relief already visible. “We have never done anything just the two of us and I'm a little nervous...”

Yuta grinned his usual toothy grin and I felt the embarrassment rising into my cheeks.

“I see,” he said and laughed. “And I thought I had pressured you, or something.”

I hid my burning cheeks behind the menu. Why did I always have to be so embarrassing?

It was only after our food and drnks came that the awkward atmosphere around us calmed down and we were able to just talk normally without feeling too embarrassed.

“That reminds me,” I started. “I never asked you where you're from.” I had told Yuta about Seoul but I never asked where his home town was.

“Osaka,” he said and grinned. “Ever been there?”

“No, never.”

“Really? You have to go one day! I'll even show you around.” If Yuta hadn't been excited he certainly was now. “You will love it!” I smied at his behaviour. Whenever Yuta was getting excited like this he would show the brightest smile he was capable of. Maybe it was because I was in love with him, but that exact smile Yuta was showing me right now was the one thing I hoped he would never lose. No matter what he faced in life. It was blinding, almost painfully so because I couldn't remember the last time I had smiled at someone that way. The last time I had felt enough excitement to smile that way. And yet, it was also warm and inviting and sincere and it left me hoping that one day, if I only stayed by Yuta's side, I would be able to smile like that again.

“But you live in Tokyo now?” Yuta shook his head as he gulped down the last bits of his drink.

“No, I switch my time between Osaka and Tokyo.” I looked at him confused. “I mean I have an apartment in Tokyo as well as one in Osaka. Most of my work is in Tokyo, but in between I have breaks and the Kansai region is also known for its arts, so I also have quite a few jobs over there, so I live in Osaka whenever I have a break or a job in the area around, like in Kyoto,” Yuta explained and I nodded my head. That did make sense. Then Yuta added “It's the same for Miako, she's also from Osaka,” and I immediately felt the jealousy flair up in my gut. Of course I knew that it made no sense. As far as I knew Yuta and Himura-san were only friends and she had been nothing but kind to me. But whenever I had visited the film studios she was fussing over him, along with Yamanaka-san. Silently I scolded myself for thinking bad of Yuta's friends. Maybe Yuta had noticed my sudden fowl mood, because he changed the topic from him to me.

“What about your family,” he asked. “Do they all live in Seoul?”

I nodded. “Yes, both my parents and my older sister.”

“And what do they do?” Yuta asked further. Just as I was about to answer I was interrupted by a call. Quickly I checked the caller ID. All it took was the name to drain all the blood from my face. 'Thea' was written there on my phone display, in big bright letters. Why would she call now out of all times? She hadn't called since I had the break down, what could she want.

My raging thoughts were interrupted by Yuta who was asking me if everything was alright with a worried look on his face.

“Excuse me for a moment,” I said in stead of answering his question and stood up to go outside. As soon as the front door was closed behind me I answered.

“What do you want?” I tried to keep my voice steady but I knew I failed. The tremble in my voice was clearly audible. Once I realized she wasn't going to answer, I started shaking. What was she doing? I was afraid. Why wasn't she answering, why did she stay silent? I managed to listen to the silence of my caller for about a minute until I finally hung up and went back inside. I knew I was still shaking, I felt it. I knew Yuta had noticed.

Once again Yuta asked me if everything was alright. Swallowing slightly, I nodded and when I decided I could trust my voice again I said “yes,”. I knew Yuta didn't believe me, I knew he wanted answers, but I also knew he wasn't going to force me to answer. Instead I smiled apologetically at him and hoped he would understand.

\---

When Taeyong had left I felt worried. He suddenly had become so pale, as if the person calling him was the most frightening person Taeyong had ever come across. And when he had excused himself instead of answering his question I knew it was nothing Taeyong was willing to discuss with me. It almost hurt me to know Taeyong didn't trust me enough to tell me. Almost. Because I could fully well understand that there were topics one did not want to discuss with anybody even if that person was your friend. I just hoped that Taeyong would trust me enough one day to actually tell me. And the first step into that direction was confessing my feelings. I knew that Taeyong and I didn't have much time left together and I planned to at least confess before Taeyong had to go back.

When Taeyong returned I immediately say that he was trembling. Whoever had called him had frightened him enough to make him visibly shake. Just to be sure I asked once again if everything was alright, but when he answered “yes,” I knew he had not changed his opinion. I knew I shouldn't further press into the matter and I didn't.

We tried to enjoy the rest of our dinner, but we both knew that our mood was quite ruined. About half an hour after the call we paid and left the restaurant. We both silently entered my car and I started to head towards Taeyong's hotel. The drive there took way longer than the one from the studio to the restaurant, but just like the one before, it was completely silent. It wasn't awkward, but not exactly comfortable either. Taeyong's eyes were fixed on the outside and mine on the road. Neither of us dared to make any sound.

After about 45 minutes of silent driving I parked in front of his hotel. Like you could expect from any hotel that was hosting a celebrity there were a ton of photographers in front of the entrance, however they didn't seem to notice us, in fact, most were looking as though they were ready to pack up.

“I don't think they will notice you,” I said, shooting Taeyong something that was almost a grin. Said almost-grin however vanished as soon as it came when I saw Taeyong not making any kind of move to leave my car.

“Taeyong?” I asked softly and Taeyong looked up into my eyes. He looked like he was ready to cry. “Taeyong, is everything alright?” I asked again and placed my hand on his shoulder. He started shaking his head and a few tears were actually rolling down his cheeks now. Then he raised his and to clench on my shirt, drew in a deep breath and looked down again.

“Please... Don't leave me alone...” As much as that plea confused me I was ready to comply with everything he wished for. So I offered him the only thing I could think of. “Do you want to come to my place?” Taeyong only nodded as an answer and let go of my sleeve. I immediately started the engine and drove into the direction we were coming from.

I turned on the lights in m apartment and stepped aside to let Taeyong enter. He was looking on the ground and just beside me.

“Shouldn't you call your manager?” I asked and he nodded. While he called his manager I prepared some sheets for me to sleep on. I had decided to give Taeyong my bed and to sleep on the couch. My apartment in Tokyo wasn't as big as the one in Osaka, so I had no guest room he could have stayed in.

I saw Taeyong looking at me from the entrance as I was preparing my bed for the night. He looked at me weirdly. I shot him a questioning look.

“What are you doing..?” he asked as if he didn't see any sense in my actions.

“I'm preparing my bed for the night. I don't have a guest room so I decided to give you my bed and sleep on the couch myself.” Despite his sullen mood he smiled at me. Confused I stared at him as he chuckled silently as if I wasn't present.

“What is it?” I asked, irritated.

“It's nothing,” he said, still smiling at me. “I just think that's really cute, that's all.” I immediately felt my cheeks heating up and the butterflies in my stomach stir into motion. Had Taeyong just called me cute? Where did that shy and silent Taeyong go to? Had he vanished? He couldn't have meant that, could he? _Oh my god, calm down Yuta, calm down!_ While I was still trying to make my steadily deepening blush disappear Taeyong started talking again. “But...” Now his cheeks were darkening as well. I pulled myself together and patiently waited for him to continue. “N-Never mind.” Unsure if I should further push him to tell me or not I let it go. This was all too confusing for me.

I showed Taeyong my bedroom and the bath and then gave him clothes to change into after he took a bath. Then, while Taeyong was freshening up I prepared something for him and myself to dink during the night and placed his drink beside my bed. Then I waited.

About after 20 minutes Taeyong left my bath and I went in myself to freshen up. It was already after midnight when we finally turned off all the lights and went to bed.


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a short one, but as you can see I finished planning the whole story, so (if nothing gets in the way) I should be able to update more often...  
> No promises though!

I couldn't sleep. Restless I stared at the ceiling in Yuta's bedroom and cursed myself for not asking Yuta to stay with me. He had gone out of his way to give his bedroom to me and now I was feeling guilty for not using it properly. Again I played with the thought to wake Yuta and ask him to join me, but in the end I just couldn't do it.

Restless I kept lying in the darkness, waiting for the morning to come and release me from this agony.

Why had Thea called me, without saying anything? What did she want to do to me, what was her goal. The more I kept thinking, the more I feared what was to come. I couldn't believe I actually told her I had someone else I loved. I felt so stupid, not only must I have hurt her greatly, I also endangered Yuta. I didn't know how much Thea already knew, but if anything she said was true then I had pulled Yuta into big trouble.

I thought about Thea, the type of person she was. Before she had never seemed to be controlling in any kind, or obsessive. She actually was a kind person, who was good at what she was doing. I still felt really bad about breaking up with her, she was such a sweet person. I knew I hurt her, I knew she didn't deserve it, but – though I didn't know at first – she wasn't the right person for me, she wasn't Yuta.

By now I knew Johnny had been right. I was more than convinced that somewhere deep inside me I had known from the start that I would fall in love with Yuta, and that the emotion scared me so much that I avoided Yuta like a plague. Who knows what would have happened if I had approached Yuta, instead of avoiding him. Maybe I wouldn't have fallen in love. Maybe I would have stayed with Thea. Maybe, maybe, maybe...

All the different outcomes, the different possibilities wandered around in my head and before I knew it hours had passed. With a look onto my phone I sighed. 4 a.m. What a curse these sleepless nights were.

I rose from the bed and silently stepped into the living room. Yuta laid on the couch, his entire body covered by a big blanket and I couldn't really see where his body and where the couch began. It was impossible to see in this darkness. The only thing I was able to distinguish was his soft breath that sounded in a calm rhythm in the room. Tiredly I sunk down on the other half of the couch and listened to his breaths. It was calming to hear another person, to know Yuta was here with me. As long as he was there I was able to ignore all the worries storming my mind. Finally I was able to sleep.

The next morning I was woken by Yuta softly shaking me awake. “Taeyong,” he whispered and looked me in the eye. I stared at him, confused and tired. “I have to go to work, stay here as long as you want, okay?” I nodded tiredly and he smiled. I could see in his eyes that he had a ton of questions he wanted to ask me, but he didn't. Instead he ruffled my hair and left through the door after his manager. It took me a while after he left to understand what his questioning look was about. Blushing I called my manager to come pick me up, I still had quite a bit of recording to do after all.

The car ride to the studio was silent. I had told my manager what had happened, so she didn't have any questions regarding the incident of yesterday night, however I could feel that she had other questions on her mind, questions she was reluctant to ask. When I couldn't bear the silence anymore, I asked: “Okay, what do you want to ask?”

She sighed. “Taeyong, I want you to know that I do not want to ask you, I wish I didn't have to, that you coild come to me yourself, when you feel the time is right.” I had a feeling where this was going and I already regretted bringing it up. “But, it is my duty to ask: Are you and Yuta dating?” I felt the heat creeping into my face and I hid behind my hands. Embarrassed I shook my head. “But you want to?” A nod.

“Taeyong, I want you to know, I personally have nothing against this, but... should your relationship be exposed, no matter if to the media or just as a threat, I will have to report to the boss. Matters won't be in my hands anymore. I wanted to tell you because of the current situation with Thea. I know you think Thea won't really do something, but you have the tendency to be naïve when it comes to things like this and you might trust her, but I don't.” I stopped hiding my face in my hands and looked out of the window instead. This was one of the few aspects of being famous I really hated: your life wasn't your own anymore. It had been hard to hide my relationship with Thea, but there wouldn't have been as big of a commotion if it were to be exposed. If a relationship with another male were to be exposed, it would probably mean the end of my career.

“Also,” I looked away from the window and back to my manager. “We will have to leave in three days.”

\---

I had to leave early with my manager since I had a couple of interviews today. Sadly that meant I wasn't able to stay with Taeyong. I had so many things I wanted to ask him. Why did he lay down by my side, what happened yesterday, did he have feelings for me?

I didn't want to be too hopeful. It often helped to be in the presence of somebody else when you can't sleep, I shouldn't be too hopeful that it meant something. And yet I still wondered, why did he rely on me and not his manager, why did he depend on me?

The whole day these thoughts didn't want to leave my head and even though I wasn't as distracted as I was when Taeyong had left, I knew that it was noticeable that I wasn't myself.

I knew I couldn't let these feelings continue to get in the way of my work.

While I had a break I called Mi-chan. I knew she wasn't busy today and I really needed her help.

“Hello?” She answered the phone.

“It's me,” I said. I told her about the situation and waited for her opinion. It didn't take long.

“I think you should tell him about your feelings,” she said. She argued that if Taeyong didn't reciprocate them then it wouldn't be as painful, because Taeyong would leave soon, and if he did then they would have time together as a couple before Taeyong had to leave. “If you don't confess soon then it'll be too late, and I'm sure you'll regret it.”

“Alright,” I said. “I'll think about it, thanks.”

“No problem.”

With my head still full of thoughts I turned to my manager. “Do you know when Taeyong will leave?”

My manager nodded and said: “In three days.” My stomach tightened painfully. Only three days? That was almost nothing! I had made up my mind. I would tell Taeyong about my feelings, wether he returned them or not. If he was leaving in three days and I had any chance at dating for the rest of those days then it was worth getting rejected!

The next day was the last day we were recording and with my plan in mind I faced the day with determination. I gave my best during the recordings, and worked hard to make the song perfect.

When we were done, it was already dark outside. The rest of the building was empty and only us and our producer were still present. Quietly Taeyong and I walked next to each other. Neither of us said a word for at least five minutes. My thoughts were racing, I didn't know how to start the conversation, and my nervousness was making it worse. Deciding to just go for it, I grabbed Taeyongs arm and pulled him with me.

“H-Hey, Yuta, where are you going?” he asked startled. I pulled us into a corner where I was sure we wouldn't be seen and looked into his eyes. He was looking back with a confused expression, but he didn't try to run away.

“I-” I wasn't sure what exactly I wanted to say. “I heard you're leaving the day after tomorrow...” Taeyong looked down and nodded. “Yes,” he whispered.

“Before you go...” I took a deep breath. How was I supposed to say this? “I want you to know that I'm in love with you...”

“What?”

“I'm in love with you, please go out with me.” I couldn't look Taeyong in his eyes. Ashamed I looked at our feet. Why wasn't he saying anything?

\---

My thoughts were racing. Yuta was in love with me? I wasn't the only one? Startled I didn't manage to get out a single word. How was this possible?

A feeling of relief spread through my chest. I wasn't the only one!

Then my relieved thoughts were interrupted by doubt. I had to leave in two days. What would happen then? Would we grow apart steadily just like the space between us? Would I be alone again, left behind? How was this supposed to work, how were we supposed to be in a relationship when we didn't have steady schedules, were busy from morning to night, when we couldn't even make time for our families?

I realised that I still hadn't said anything and tat Yuta must be feeling terrible by now. “I-” What was I supposed to say? I didn't know if I wanted to be in a relationship with Yuta, I had too many doubts. But I couldn't just let him stay here, without an answer, left to feel miserable by himself.

“I feel the same,” I said. Yuta, who had been staring at his feet almost the whole time raised his head and looked at me with a look of surprise in his eyes. “But I'm not sure if I want a relationship,” I continued. “I'm afraid it won't work out, that we'll suffer because of the distance.” Yuta smiled at me and took my hands in his.

“We'll make it work,” he whispered and looked me into my eyes. “And if it doesn't then it's not our fault.”

I still wasn't quite convinced but still I said: “Okay.”

Yuta stepped closer and took my face in his. “Can I kiss you?” he asked. Dazedly I nodded. His face got closer and closer until our lips were touching. A feeling of warmth spread through my chest and continued through the rest of my body. A feeling reassurance, of safety. I hadn't felt like this in a long time and the longer we stayed in that position, the more I thought, maybe everything was going to be alright, maybe I didn't have anything to worry about. In that moment, all my thoughts about Thea and her threats left my mind and I was able to get lost in the moment without a care in the world. Maybe it was foolish of me.


	8. Chapter 7

Taeyong and I were lazing around in my apartment. We only had two days left. Two days before Taeyong and I wouldn't be able to see each other for at least a month. I didn't really want to think about it.

Taeyong shifted in my arms and I looked down. I saw him looking at me. “Hm?”

“I'm bored,” he said. “Let's do something.”

“Like what?” He shrugged. “Watch TV? It could help me with my Japanese...” I smiled. His enthusiasm to learn Japanese always made me happy. “Let's do that then,” I said and kissed him tenderly. He hummed, then turned away from me and grabbed the remote.

The TV spoke as we laid in each other's arms silently. From time to time Taeyong would ask me what they had said or if he understood correctly and I would answer. Aside from that we didn't talk, but it didn't feel wrong. It was nice not to have to say anything, to be able to just enjoy the other's company. But this calm was violently interrupted by a call. The sound cut harshly through our silence, it demanded our attention and Taeyong reluctantly looked at his phone. I couldn't see the caller's ID but as soon as Taeyong looked I knew something was wrong. He tensed, immediately sat up and ripped himself out of my arms in the process. I could see his hand shaking as he moved it to answer. I suddenly remembered the time we were on our first date, when he had reacted the exact same way and suddenly I felt fear striking through my body and I didn't want Taeyong to pick up this call. But he did, before I could reach him, before my hand was able to stop him. He didn't say anything, for a whole minute he sat there in front of me and was silent. And what was weird was that I couldn't make out a single sound that left the phone, as if neither party was saying anything.

When Taeyong finally ended the call it was as if he was in a trance. He just stared ahead of him, not making a sound, not blinking or moving in any way. “Taeyong..?” I called out to him. That was when he finally started moving again, though it was not in a way I liked. His whole body was shaking and I reacted even before I was able to think. Wrapped tightly in my arms I tried to calm him down. “Taeyong,” I called out to him repeatedly. “Everything's going to be fine. Don't worry.” Once he had finally calmed down I asked him “Do you want to tell me what's going on?” Taeyong finally reciprocated my hug and leaned his chin on my shoulder. I had a feeling it was so that I wasn't able to see his face. “It's my ex, Thea.” I could hear the quivering of his voice. “Thea and I broke up shortly after I met you at the award show. This is kind of embarrassing to admit,” he said and let out a barely audible laugh, “but I was immediately attracted to you when I saw you. Not in the way that it was first love or something. But I think I... I think I had a feeling I would some day fall in love with you.” Trying not to get excited I drew calming circles on Taeyong's back. He still didn't face me. “After that our relationship slowly began to crumble and it led to us breaking up. Afterwards she called me almost constantly. She only stopped a while ago. That was after I admitted to her that I'm in love with someone else. She said that she will make us suffer. Just because I told her I wasn't in love with her anymore your life is in danger now.” By the last two sentences I could hear Taeyong had started to cry. Just as I was about to say something he continued. “Since that threat I've been receiving these silent calls.” Now that he was finished I started talking. “Nothing will happen to us, I mean what can she do? She won't be able to reach us.” I tried to calm Taeyong with these words but it more or less had the opposite effect. “You don't know her. If she says she's going to do something, then she is! That's the way she does everything in life. She takes nothing back! This isn't an empty threat, she's serious!” As he said that he finally raised his head from my shoulder and looked me in the eyes. I could feel that Taeyong wasn't joking in any way, that Thea was a serious threat not to be taken lightly. “But... but she doesn't know who I am, right?”

“... I think she knows.” Taeyong had stopped looking me in the eyes again, as though he was afraid of my reaction.

“But... how?”

“I don't know. But I've only been receiving these silent calls whenever I was with you. I'm sure she knows.” A long moment of silence followed. I didn't know what to do, what to think, what to feel. Then, my head started working again. “Taeyong, we have to go to the police.” But Taeyong shook his head. “No, we can't.” I couldn't believe my ears. Had he just said what I thought he did? “We have to, Taeyong. What she's doing is illegal. She's threatening you!” And me, I thought. But by now I was more worried for Taeyong than for me.

“Don't you think I know that! But I was the one who drove her to do this! Me!” He was hiding his face in his hands now. “Besides,” came a whisper from underneath a bit later, “we don't have any proof and Thea's not stupid enough to leave any traces behind.” Sighing I pulled him against me again. I gave up. There was nothing I could do. Taeyong was right, there was no proof.

I almost couldn't believe what Taeyong had told me, if it wasn't for the despair visible in Taeyong's expression. I know I couldn't do much for Taeyong besides being by his side as much as I could and even that was proving to be difficult now that Taeyong was leaving. I swore to myself to keep an eye on the situation as much as I could in an entire different country, but I couldn't help feeling helpless. What could I do? I didn't know the answer.

The night before Taeyong had to leave I stayed with him in his hotel room, as I wasn't able to join him at the airport. In the morning when Taeyong was packing the rest of his luggage I felt a tightness beginning to take form in my chest. I didn't want Taeyong to leave. Once he was finished and his manager called to meet her downstairs, he turned to me and we met in a big and long embrace. I could feel a wetness on my shoulder that told me Taeyong had started to cry. We loosened our embrace and I wiped away the tears on his cheeks, before we met in a slow and tender kiss. “You have to go now,” I said and Taeyong nodded, let go of me and grabbed his luggage. We wouldn't be able to see each other for a while now.

\---

As I was met with the flashes of cameras and the screams of fans, I could feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. I had two new messages, one from Yuta and one from an anonymous number. I opened the one from Yuta first while being led through the horde of reporters and fans by my bodyguards. It read: I miss you already. I had to smile at the cliched sappy line. Of course Yuta would send something like this.

Being blinded by my happiness, I opened the anonymous message as well, forgetting the situation Yuta and I were in and my weak metal state. In hindsight I should've expected it. What greeted me was a picture of Yuta and myself as we are kissing each other goodbye. My mind went blank.


	9. Chapter 8

I felt numb. Distantly I could feel my body hitting the ground. _Flash! Flash!_ The camera light surrounded me as I was shivering. From all sides I could feel the peoples eyes on me. They were laughing, grinning, pointing. I could hear their voices in my head again and again, asking _Now, now. Just what should we do with_ this _?_ I cowered, screaming “Leave me alone! Leave me alone!”

When I opened my eyes I could see the typical white ceiling of a hospital. Just like everything else in the room the curtains that surrounded me were in a sterile white that made me feel incredibly cold. Gradually the memories of what had happened at the airport came back to me and I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Yuta and I hadn't even started to properly figure out our relationship and we were already met with this kind of threat.

I silently lay in my hospital bed as the tears rolled down my eyes. After what felt like an eternity, the curtain slowly and carefully opened and revealed my manager. I hadn't even thought about how difficult this probably was for her. Unable to meet her eyes I stared at the ceiling and waited for her to talk.

Silently she sat down next to my bed. Although I expected her to say something she didn't. Just like me she remained silent.

After a while I finally opened my mouth and asked her: “Has it been leaked already?” As I spoke my throat protested in pain. I had probably screamed my throat sore when I broke down in the airport. In the corner of my eye I could see my manager look at me confusedly. “Has what been leaked?” she asked, as though she had no idea of what I was talking about. Immediately I felt a surge of relief filling my body, before I reminded myself that this was no guarantee that it wouldn't be leaked any moment now.

“Could you hand me my phone?” I asked as I slowly sat up in my bed. I had to show her, in order to prevent anything worse from happening. Right when I had my phone in my hand I searched for the message I had received from the anonymous number and handed the phone back to her. I could hear her slowly inhaling air as though she was trying to hold a loud gasp in.

“Taeyong,” she said. “Taeyong, I have to report this, I'm sorry.” Without saying anything I nodded. She squeezed my hand once before she stepped out of the curtain to make a phone call. Alone again I slowly started to get up from my bed and put on my shoes. I knew the management wouldn't delay a meeting any further, even if I wasn't feeling good. After all, they now had not only an artist in a same-sex relationship at their hands now, they had to deal with a very serious threat now as well. I knew that the leakage of my relationship with Yuta wasn't only my matter, it never was when you worked in the entertainment industry, especially not when you worked in Korea, where idols and artists in relationship were frowned upon, even more so when both were celebrities and in mine and Yuta's case, male. I knew my label would be deeply affected if our relationship was leaked, wether I liked it or not. And to an extend I was relieved to have someone else deal with this situation.

About an hour later I was released from the hospital and my manager and I immediately drove to the agency's head quarters. The drive felt incredibly long, as my already strained nerves were met with even more anxiousness. I knew the label's reaction wouldn't be good and it was more than likely that they'd try to break me and Yuta up, even if that wasn't the most important issue at hand.

When we stopped at a red light, my manager turned to me in concern. “Taeyong,” she started. “I'm sorry your relationship had to be revealed to the label so quickly. I know you would have wished to savour it a bit more before the agency could start to interfere. But I'm doing this because we're heading in a dangerous direction with this threat. Do you understand why I had to do this?”

“I do, don't worry,” I said before turning away again.

At the agency we were immediately led to one of the meeting rooms, where we were already greeted with the most important personnel of our company. I sat down when I was offered my feet. Although I was just sitting in the car for a while, my legs still felt wobbly, which is why I felt thankful for being able to sit.

The whole meeting was just a blur from jumping from topic to topic and then back again, as I explained again and again what had happened, what my exact relationship with Yuta was, who I thought was responsible for this threat or who I thought would want to harm me, which was why I had to retell what felt like my entire relationship history with Thea as well, until it came to the point of counter measures. This was both the point that I looked forward to the most, as well as the point that I feared the most. While I was relieved to know that this would be properly taken care of, I also feared for the consequences this would have for me and Yuta.

“I hope you know that this matter could not only harm your career, but also this label's reputation,” said one of the men across from me.

I nodded. “I do.”

“Then I suppose you already know that we will not tolerate your relationship with Nakamoto Yuta. We have decided unanimously that we would like you to end your relationship with him, both for the sake of your career and our reputation.”

Taking a deep breath I collected my thoughts. “I have indeed expected you to make this demand. However, I am willing to leave the company if this means I can stay with him. I have never wanted anything as much as being with him, and we have only started dating as well. I am still young, I still have other options in life than this career. Although I won't lie and say that making music isn't important to me, I have other things I like as well. I won't hesitate to take this step if we can find no other solution for this.” When I finished my little speech, I stared into several shocked faces, all of them looking as though I was crazy. Only moments later they left the room to further consult on the matter. The only ones left in the room were my manager and I. After several moments of silence she turned to me and asked me “Are you really willing to end your entire career for him?”

“... Yes.” After a moment of consideration I added: “It wouldn't be only for him though. I think if this industry is really going to prevent me from being happy, be it with Yuta or another person, for only the sake of profit, it's best if I leave it.” To this my manager remained silent.

It took over an hour for the people from management to debate over the next steps. When they finally left the other room and entered the meeting room again, some of them looked sullen, although it was only one or two. The others, although they didn't exactly look happy, they didn't look too displeased either.

The man from earlier sat down again and faced me with a small smile. “We have decided that we will allow you and Nakamoto Yuta to keep your relationship. However you must act as cautious as possible. We do not want your relationship to be leaked in any form if you did not previously consult with us.” Not waiting for me to respond in any way, he continued: “Furthermore we will confiscate your phone to have the number be traced by an IT-Specialist. As we have been informed that you possess a second phone, we will now permit you to copy any important numbers, before you hand it in. You will also be accompanied by bodyguards at all times, until it is certain that this matter is finished. All your activities will be canceled for the next few weeks because of your break down earlier this day and to avoid any kind of commotion.”

To say I was relieved was an understatement. Of course I knew that this was far from over but just knowing that this would be taken care of made my body feel as though a thousand kilos were lifted from my shoulders. When I got home, with body guards placed right next to the entrance to my apartment, I immediately flopped down on my bed and pulled out my second phone, that was now the only phone I would be using.

I made sure to message all of my contacts that my number was changed now, before I called Yuta. I wasn't sure if he was busy right now or not, but I wanted to try anyways. I let the phone ring for a few moments, but he still hadn't picked up. I was about to give up when he finally answered.

“ _Hello?”_ He asked in Japanese.

“Yuta, it's me.”

“ _Taeyong? Did your number change?”_ Quickly I explained to him why my other phone was taken in by the company. I didn't tell him that I broke down in the airport. He was probably going to find out later anyways, but I didn't want him to worry too much.

“ _It's good that didn't keep it to yourself, who knows what could've happened. But how were they able to take a picture of us?”_ Yuta appeared to be in deep thought. Not that I couldn't understand his confusion. After all, when we said goodbye, we were in my hotel room and not down in the lobby, or even the hallway. How could they have been able to take a picture of us? Immediately a thought entered my head that sent shivers down my spine.

“Don't tell me, they had cameras in my room?”

“ _... It's not unlikely.”_ Yuta let out a long sigh. _“It's good that your company is taking care of it now. This could escalate very fast.”_

A sudden urge overcame me. I wanted to ask Yuta if he regretted being with me, now that I pulled him into this whole situation that could ruin his life. I wanted to ask him if he would change his choice to confess to me, to go out with me if he could travel back in time, if it meant that he would be able to avoid this. I wanted to know if he regretted this.

As though he could read my mind, he started talking.

“ _Don't overthink. I can hear the gears in your head running.”_ I chuckled softly, then let out a sigh. “What am I supposed to do then? I can't do anything but think.”

\---

I could tell Taeyong was hiding something from me. I could almost feel it, hear it in the way he talked. But I wasn't going to ask him either. If he didn't want to tell me, then I wasn't going to force him.

I felt relief knowing that Taeyong finally got help with the situation. Since I was currently on set, I couldn't talk too long with him but at least I had a few minutes alone with him.

I felt that he feared that I would want to break up with him, now that we were in a situation that was a huge threat to our careers, so I felt obligated to reassure him. “I miss you,” I said. It was as much meant to comfort him, as much as it was the truth. We had only been apart for about a day but I missed having him around me. After spending almost everyday with him working on our song it was to be expected when we suddenly had to be apart.

“ _I miss you, too. So much.”_ His voice was soft, almost pained and it made my heart go soft in love while at the same time it clenched painfully. I knew this had to have to do with the thing he wasn't telling me and I wanted to scream at being unable to help him.

In a weak attempt to make him tell me, I asked: “You know you can tell me anything, right?” I knew he wouldn't tell me, so I wasn't surprised when he answered “Yes” without even hinting at what was wrong. I let out a sigh and was about to continue talking, when my manager called me. I had to go.

“I have to go. I'll call you later, okay?”

“ _Okay, have fun.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helllloooo!!!  
> It's been a long time, I know.   
> I'm sorry that I keep saying I'll update more regularly and then don't update anything for months, but to be honest, I don't think I'll ever change in that aspect.   
> So, since there are "only" four chapters left for me to write, you could say that this FF is almost done. And I've been thinking about writing another Yutae FF but this time a Non AU and I wanted to ask you guys wether you have some plot suggestions or prompts that would be of interest to you??? Feel free to comment.


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